my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize