yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
