WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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