It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
