Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
