k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
