Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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