I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
