I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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