I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
