dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
