Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
