i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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