just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What a dumb baby whore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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