The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
