u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
