I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize