got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
