he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
