Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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