i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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