He had one of those small greek statue penises
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
