there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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