Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
