I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
