I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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