i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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