What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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