shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
