May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize