God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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