i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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