yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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