I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
