I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
