the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
