we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
