dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've blown a few things in my day
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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