I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
