I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
