I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
operation have a gay friend backfired
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
