i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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