I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
