You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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