she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
