I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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