Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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