Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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