apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
