I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
