Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
