i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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