I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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