using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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