It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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