Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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