Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
