Sry I called you an 8
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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