She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
