I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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