i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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