Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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