I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
