I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
