420 ftw
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
