Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
