He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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