A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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