you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
