I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
