I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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