I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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