didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize