i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
