Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
