Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
