she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
