Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bring me that man meat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
