watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
