If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you will always have a special place in my vag
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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