The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
