You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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