Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
