I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't turn off my feet"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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