First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
