I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
