We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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