jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
