Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
