OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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