We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
