this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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