i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
