Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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