i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
